School is out tomorrow!

The question is......
Will I survive Summer Vacation?

I have to say I love it when the kids are home, I sleep in, they get their own breakfast, we spend lots of unscheduled time together.

What could be better?
If Kent got to spend the summer with us.

Then there would be adventure, shopping trips, a co-judge/monitor/chef/driver/helper/parent!
I am jealous of the French, they average about 2 full months a year in vacation time.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I have few plans just for me this summer, maybe I will need to sneak a few in,
Any suggestions?

40!

The time has come or should I say the time has gone!!!!

I am officially 40 years old, it happened just a week or so ago! Surprisingly it came and went with out incident, no crazy surprises embarrassing moments or anything else of the kind! It was just a splendid weekend with my family filled with our usual mom's birthday adventures.

As I lay in bed on Sunday night reminiscing about the long weekend and how wonderful it had been, I suddenly became acutely aware of just how many years I had been on this lovely Earth and how quickly the time had passed. Although I hope to have lots ahead of me , I've suddenly realized how much was behind me! To say the least I ached for a life I haven't finished living, I want to slow the clock and soak in as much of the time I have left as I can. It may sound silly but I seriously felt dread.

You know that story of the painting with the dark spots that when you are in a dark spot you can't see the whole picture? Well I felt as though I stepped back and it was half painted and I was wondering how so much was already done!

So that's where I am pondering where 40 years have gone and where the next 40 will bring me.

Avoiding my resposibilities!

You would think we had a new baby in the house the way I have been avoiding my responsibilities lately! I must be in a selfish rut or something. I seem to be able to waste time lately like there is no need to plan it!

Laundry what is that?

Dinner? Oh you want me to cook? I didn't thaw anything!

Do you think you could help Joe with his homework tonight?
Yawn.

For some reason the only time I feel awake is when everyone else has gone to bed, so if you are looking for me I am too! Until we meet I'll be pinching myself to wake up!

In with the new out with the old!

So we've been here in Kentucky for several weeks now! We know the way to all the important stuff like School, the post office, the grocery stores, the bank and Daddy's work! We've got all the big pieces of furniture where we want them and have even hung a large portion of our art! The garage although too stuffed for cars is organized and we've begun yard maintenance. We are actually loving it here in Kentucky. It seems there is little we miss about Massachusetts! There are some friends we would like to see and of course family lived close enough for random visits, but other than that the old has become the really old quickly.
The new things we are enjoying like Daddy being home after work. Members in our neighborhood, down the street and in our schools. The loss of pretension that seemed to be everywhere in Massachusetts! The amazingly good weather. long walks with the dog every day. Even homework is more fun here!
I can definitely say the old, unhappy, overworked, under appreciated, family life we were living is no more. So yay to out with the old and in with the new!

New Home!

Well I am no longer in limbo! We found a place here in Kentucky. After traveling 17 hours with 4 kids and a dog we are happy to be here at our new home in the 40509. The house is packed with boxes and we are starting from scratch on the organizing and beautifying . So as usual I am too busy to do much me stuff! Kids start school in 7 days so I have a goal to get everything organized by then. Anyone in need of about a billion boxes?

Things I am learning about me:

1. I can be selfless when it comes to my families needs.

2. I need to stop somewhere and sleep during a 17 hour car ride.

3. I prefer home cooked meals to eating in restaurants.

4. Southern accents are quite catchy.

In limbo!

I've been getting ready for our move to Kentucky. Yet I can't really find myself as one foot is still firmly planted on Massachusetts soil and the other is desperately trying to find a place to plant itself in Kentucky. My husband however spends more days in Kentucky now then he does in Massachusetts so I am left alone to find sturdy footing for me and my brood, all the while keeping my house spotless.
The Kids finished school June 18Th and it already feels as though they have been home for a month. I have taken to reading my son's favorite books the Percy Jackson series to take my mind off the long days without Kent.
The things I'm learning about me are....

I can keep the house clean while the kids are home all day
one can go silently crazy with out a companion (one being me)
I don't particularly like Realtors
I cook for my husbands approval
I actually loved being Primary President
My kids like my husband more
I can sleep through the night without the snoring
I don't like the unknown

Where's the me exactly!

To tell the truth there isn't much of me in motherhood. I'm not sure when it happened somewhere in between our five moves, four children and several years as a single car family the me got squeezed out! I guess it started when we first got married and I was immediately pregnant. I worked 60 hours a week as a nanny and my husband was working full time and going to school full time. I was so tired I didn't even make it till he got home before I fell asleep. Then after the baby came, baby wouldn't sleep without me. We were in a new Ward and everyone was older than us. We made friends but it was hard to keep up. I started sewing then for my own enjoyment but there wasn't a lot of time. A year later we found ourselves pregnant with number two, still nannying Kent was still doing the work/school thing! When Kent finally finished school Baby number two arrived and we moved to our own place. I started cooking and decorating it was fun and I enjoyed the things I did for me. Baby number two was a breeze but number one kept me busy, I was called as counselor in Primary at my church and my husband was YM president. The days and weeks flew by. We soon became pregnant with baby number three which also meant we had to move again. We moved just five months after baby three was born. Kent had a new job and right after we moved his car died. It left us as a one car family for the next year and a half. I almost never drove Kent to work because it was an hour away. which meant four hours in total if we wanted the car. I had friends but getting together was almost impossible! I threw myself into cooking decorating and child's play. We entertained a lot at night and life was good.We lived there three years and had just had number four when we decided we needed a bigger place. We moved again Kent got a car, Yay! yet I was now a mother of four and only one of our children was in school It was about this time we realized that our oldest was having trouble. Our whole family was thrown into our oldest's everything.
There was no longer a me in motherhood most of the time my other three were lucky if there was a them in motherhood. It took years to get that straightened out. When we finally got that worked out Kent had to take a second job to pay for all the needs our growing family had. We stopped decorating, entertaining and cooking the things we loved and 12 years, four kids and five moves later there just wasn't much of me any more!
It's easy to get lost over the years. So how do I find my self again? I don't know but now that my kids are in school full time and we are moving again, I am going to find me! I'll write about my experiences here. I hope it's not to scary as I've become somewhat of a recluse in the last few years. Nothing like a fresh start to get things moving though! Wish me luck!