In with the new out with the old!

So we've been here in Kentucky for several weeks now! We know the way to all the important stuff like School, the post office, the grocery stores, the bank and Daddy's work! We've got all the big pieces of furniture where we want them and have even hung a large portion of our art! The garage although too stuffed for cars is organized and we've begun yard maintenance. We are actually loving it here in Kentucky. It seems there is little we miss about Massachusetts! There are some friends we would like to see and of course family lived close enough for random visits, but other than that the old has become the really old quickly.
The new things we are enjoying like Daddy being home after work. Members in our neighborhood, down the street and in our schools. The loss of pretension that seemed to be everywhere in Massachusetts! The amazingly good weather. long walks with the dog every day. Even homework is more fun here!
I can definitely say the old, unhappy, overworked, under appreciated, family life we were living is no more. So yay to out with the old and in with the new!

New Home!

Well I am no longer in limbo! We found a place here in Kentucky. After traveling 17 hours with 4 kids and a dog we are happy to be here at our new home in the 40509. The house is packed with boxes and we are starting from scratch on the organizing and beautifying . So as usual I am too busy to do much me stuff! Kids start school in 7 days so I have a goal to get everything organized by then. Anyone in need of about a billion boxes?

Things I am learning about me:

1. I can be selfless when it comes to my families needs.

2. I need to stop somewhere and sleep during a 17 hour car ride.

3. I prefer home cooked meals to eating in restaurants.

4. Southern accents are quite catchy.

In limbo!

I've been getting ready for our move to Kentucky. Yet I can't really find myself as one foot is still firmly planted on Massachusetts soil and the other is desperately trying to find a place to plant itself in Kentucky. My husband however spends more days in Kentucky now then he does in Massachusetts so I am left alone to find sturdy footing for me and my brood, all the while keeping my house spotless.
The Kids finished school June 18Th and it already feels as though they have been home for a month. I have taken to reading my son's favorite books the Percy Jackson series to take my mind off the long days without Kent.
The things I'm learning about me are....

I can keep the house clean while the kids are home all day
one can go silently crazy with out a companion (one being me)
I don't particularly like Realtors
I cook for my husbands approval
I actually loved being Primary President
My kids like my husband more
I can sleep through the night without the snoring
I don't like the unknown

Where's the me exactly!

To tell the truth there isn't much of me in motherhood. I'm not sure when it happened somewhere in between our five moves, four children and several years as a single car family the me got squeezed out! I guess it started when we first got married and I was immediately pregnant. I worked 60 hours a week as a nanny and my husband was working full time and going to school full time. I was so tired I didn't even make it till he got home before I fell asleep. Then after the baby came, baby wouldn't sleep without me. We were in a new Ward and everyone was older than us. We made friends but it was hard to keep up. I started sewing then for my own enjoyment but there wasn't a lot of time. A year later we found ourselves pregnant with number two, still nannying Kent was still doing the work/school thing! When Kent finally finished school Baby number two arrived and we moved to our own place. I started cooking and decorating it was fun and I enjoyed the things I did for me. Baby number two was a breeze but number one kept me busy, I was called as counselor in Primary at my church and my husband was YM president. The days and weeks flew by. We soon became pregnant with baby number three which also meant we had to move again. We moved just five months after baby three was born. Kent had a new job and right after we moved his car died. It left us as a one car family for the next year and a half. I almost never drove Kent to work because it was an hour away. which meant four hours in total if we wanted the car. I had friends but getting together was almost impossible! I threw myself into cooking decorating and child's play. We entertained a lot at night and life was good.We lived there three years and had just had number four when we decided we needed a bigger place. We moved again Kent got a car, Yay! yet I was now a mother of four and only one of our children was in school It was about this time we realized that our oldest was having trouble. Our whole family was thrown into our oldest's everything.
There was no longer a me in motherhood most of the time my other three were lucky if there was a them in motherhood. It took years to get that straightened out. When we finally got that worked out Kent had to take a second job to pay for all the needs our growing family had. We stopped decorating, entertaining and cooking the things we loved and 12 years, four kids and five moves later there just wasn't much of me any more!
It's easy to get lost over the years. So how do I find my self again? I don't know but now that my kids are in school full time and we are moving again, I am going to find me! I'll write about my experiences here. I hope it's not to scary as I've become somewhat of a recluse in the last few years. Nothing like a fresh start to get things moving though! Wish me luck!

Losing family!

I attended a funeral on Monday! My cousin Scott passed away. He was 46 and too young to die. Yet it was time for him to return to a place we can't remember. He was a good friend to my sister SueAnn who passed away in the spring. My family is Catholic so we went to mass to celebrate his life and say goodbye. Scott was a Massachusetts state trooper so half of the church was filled with policemen. It was quite a site to be in the company of so many State troopers at once. Scott's best friend growing up gave the eulogy. It was well written and very sentimental. After mass we all gathered for lunch and time to talk about Scott.
I come from a big Italian family and many of them I only see at funerals. When I was a kid we had gone to several funerals in a short span of time and I got to know many of my relatives that way. Most of the time I introduced myself as Susan's daughter. My mother was well known in the family and often I would get a grin and an acknowledging nod. "Oh Susan's girls", there were 5 of us and everyone seemed to know.
Monday was different. Our family has gotten a lot smaller through the years and lots of people have moved away from Boston. It was strange to be there and not recognize or see familiar faces that I am use to seeing. It is sad when a family goes it's separate ways. When all that are left are cousins and the grandparents who held everyone together are gone. My children will never know of the amazing Italian food and the rich history that I knew. I can tell them but they will never see it first hand. I am sad for Scott's family and their loss and I am sad for my family and the loss of our Heritage. The one my kids never really knew.

w/ the new puppy!

This is my new view of the world and it's at the other end of a leash!

I have to say I love it though!

I now know why people get dogs when their kids go to school!

I get out of the house several times a day!

I have something else to obsess over!

When I hear funny noises in the house it's the dog and not someone trying to get me!

I've met a bunch of neighbors in the last week that I've never spoken to before!

(Even though we have lived here 5 years!)

All in all looking at the world from this end of a leash has been pretty good!

taking care of car maintenance!

I attempted all week to get this house clean and truthfully it is impossible to clean up! I am going to need a new plan.
With that said I've been busy doing other things! Namely husband things, like keeping up with the car maintenance. Are you like me? afraid of the man at Jiffy Lube who comes in with this well rehearsed rant of all the things that I should consider. Yuck, I do not like Mr. Jiffy Lube, well nothing against him personally only when it comes to him talking about my car. Luckily today he only wanted me to change my air filter. I said go ahead because last time they wanted to, my husband said no he would do it, and well he hadn't.
After I was done at Jiffy Lube I went to get a new inspection sticker for my car. Ours had expired last month and if I left it up to my husband another month would pass before anyone did anything about it. At the end of my little excursion I was proud of myself for getting things done that would have taken up my husbands whole Saturday. Best part sitting in the silence of the waiting rooms not having any kids to keep out of trouble! I am starting to get use to this time to my self thing!

Lazy!

I have found that I am just a big lazy oaf. Whatever that is! When my kids were home I could never get anything done. I always said well if I had more time or if they would just let me get things done, then this house would sparkle! The fact is without my kids here, I am just lonely and I still don't get anything done! So I guess the real me is just LAZY! Luckily I do not have to remain this way I can teach myself to love keeping a tidy house.
When I was a nanny I kept a tidy house, dinner was on the table each night at 5pm and it never included breakfast items, the laundry was done by noon every day and we had guests all the time. The key difference in being a MOM and a nanny is pay and expectation. As a nanny I was expected to get everything done and was payed well for it! If I added in things like straightening out the linen closet there was much praise involved. I loved that job! As a mom there is little or no praise when you straighten out the linen closet, they repay you by making it messy again. There is no monetary pay either. Which means you have to do it out of the shear joy it brings to you and your family. Which quite often brings me no joy at all. Mostly I am just tired of all the work and none of the satisfaction. I am a people pleaser I enjoy hard work when my employer gives me lots of compliments. Yet in my day to day life as a mom I get no compliments. So how do I learn to pay myself? That is the question?

-I could invite friends over
-play a game of how long will it take for my family to give compliments
-pay myself with things I enjoy

Hmmm, I'll have to think about that. By the way is anyone interested in paying me to keep my own house clean? I didn't think so! So until next time, I'll be trying to motivate myself to clean up this house!

First step to finding me!

Clean the house! I started today, but this is a big job!
So I am going to take my time and do it right!

Here's my mental list:

1. Clean living room, dining room, Kitchen and bathroom.
2. Clean and organize my bedroom.
3. Clean and organize the girls room.(I've been meaning to do this for months)
4. Repaint the bathroom.
5. Paint the Hallway, finish the laundry cabinets and paint the new glass cabinet.

Though this list may seem awfully motherly these are all things I am doing for me because it will make me happy to have a cleaner more organized house. Well everyone is at school it shouldn't be hard to keep up either. It's really nice to have 6 hours to dedicate to these tasks. I can't remember the last time I felt so uninterrupted!

Finding Me!

My youngest child started full day kindergarten yesterday! I find myself free for the first time in 13 years. Needless to say I haven't had much "me" time in a while.
I started this blog to journal about my experiences in finding myself again.
Who am I?
What do I like to do?
Can I find myself again with all my new found time?
I will answer these questions and many more.